


On the edge of the next nine years

by forreveries



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Holding Hands, M/M, Nervousness, i have no idea how to tag properly plz send help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 16:01:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18594646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forreveries/pseuds/forreveries
Summary: “It just hit me,” Harry continued, putting down his phone so he could wring the nerves out of his fingers, shake them too, “This is actually happening.”“Nine years in the making.”“Nine years. Shit,” Harry repeated, as though it was the first time he was hearing this. As though they hadn’t been talking about this moment for the past year, hadn’t been planning it for just that long too, “What if-”“Love,” Louis cut him off. There was no room for what ifs anymore. They’d been told their whole careers to be scared of those words, that if something went wrong - came out - it’d be the end of them.And they’d had nine entire years to learn that those what ifs weren’t worth it.In which Harry and Louis come out at the Met Gala.





	On the edge of the next nine years

It was a picture of the two of them taken from the back.

Their hands were in the middle, tied together by their pinkies.

It was shot exactly so their tattoos lined up, Louis’ rope and Harry’s anchor.

Underneath were the words, _Nine years of loving you_.

 

-

 

“Okay,” Harry said, his voice shaky, “We post on the count of three.”

Louis just bit his lip and nodded. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get any words out. Not without his voice catching in his throat, going an octave too high.

Harry started to move his lips towards _one_ , but he paused midway. And then he let out a nervous giggle.

They were sitting on the floor against the end of their hotel bed because no where else was right, no where else could handle the electricity running through their veins.

Their hands shook in front of them, their fingers barely able to contain the beating of their hearts, let alone the phones they were each holding.

“One-” Harry tried again, and then he paused again. He couldn’t do it.

His hand was shaking so much it looked like he was about to drop his phone.

Louis looked up to Harry’s face and saw the fear that had etched itself into his brow - mixed in with the excitement. He cleared his throat and tried to talk, it came out loose and breathy, “We’ve been planning this for months.”

Harry looked up at him and bit his lip.

“I know,” He whispered. His face was so unsure.

This was the first time Louis had seen him look anything but determined about the prospect of this day, this minute.

“It just hit me,” Harry continued, putting down his phone so he could wring the nerves out of his fingers, shake them too, “This is actually happening.”

“Nine years in the making.”

“Nine _years_. Shit,” Harry repeated, as though it was the first time he was hearing this. As though they hadn’t been talking about this moment for the past year, hadn’t been planning it for just that long too, “What if-”

“Love,” Louis cut him off. There was no room for _what ifs_ anymore. They’d been told their whole careers to be scared of those words, that if something went wrong - came out - it’d be the end of them.

And they’d had nine entire years to learn that those _what ifs_ weren’t worth it. They’d lost enough loved ones, enough moments to reveal their truths, to know it wasn’t worth it. A spot at number one on the billboard chart was nothing compared to the freedom they could have after today.

Louis didn’t even have to remind Harry that they’d had this conversation so many times before. His little _love_ was enough.

Harry just nodded and threw his head back against the edge of the bed, “I know, I know.”

“If it helps, I’m shit scared too,” Louis offered with a smile, grabbing Harry’s hand. It was cold, clammy, like it always did when Harry was nervous. Louis had run onto so many stages with the trackmarks of Harry’s nerves written into the lines of his palms.

As excited, as ready, as he was, Louis felt that stroke of terror passing through himself too. Because as much as they’d talked about it together, planned it with their teams, the gravity of what they were about to do suddenly pressed into his chest. Tightened his heart.

It was easy to reassure Harry, it always was when he had that look on his face, that furrow in his brow. But still. Whispers of voices from all their years together breathed down his neck.

He shook them off, reminded himself they were wrong. Stuck in the old times. Stuck by their own fear.

Harry breathed out carefully, a scratch of nerves still pulsing through it, and he closed his eyes, “It’s gonna be worth it.”

“It is,” Louis stated, squeezing his hand just so he could stop his own hand shaking too.

“Okay,” Harry said, nodding sharply. Suddenly decided.

“Okay,” Louis repeated softly, letting his voice run out from himself, “On the count of three.”

Harry nodded and picked up his phone, “You count.”

Louis swallowed and looked down at his own phone, and slowly, carefully he said, “One.”

Glimpses of camera flashes sparked in his mind. All the photos they’d taken in preparation.

“Two.”

There was a flash of Harry’s arm, his tattoos, moving as he signed those papers. The ones that sealed the deal.

“Three.”

A picture of his family, Harry’s family, smiling when they told them it was finally happening.

And then he pressed _Post_.

He felt all the nerves, the fear, the excitement, melt away. Because it was done.

He grinned. Wide and bright and alive. Finally so alive.

There was no going back now. No last minute change of mind, change of rules. No more sabotage.

When Louis looked up, Harry was grinning too.

“There it goes,” Harry said, “Off into the universe.”

“And now we wait,” Louis said, standing up so he could reach out a hand and pull Harry up to him.

Harry put up his hand to where Louis had his outreached, and then he paused, pulled back.

“Wait,” He said.

Louis looked at him, wondered what suddenly changed.

But Harry just fiddled with his phone and said, “Let’s turn our phones off. I don’t wanna hear how it’s going.”

“It’ll all be good,” Louis said, trying to reassure again.  
“I know,” Harry said lightly, actually smiling, putting down his phone and then making grabby hands for Louis to give him his phone too, “But now I have to share you with everyone else in the world. Give me one more afternoon of just us.”

 

-

 

When everyone turned up, their stylists, makeup artist, managers, everyone had a stupid grin on their face.

Louis was too focused on Harry’s smile to notice any of them.

“Vogue’s already had two million hits on the article,” Came one voice.

“And your posts have six million likes. Each,” Came another.

Louis wasn’t listening. He was watching Harry’s eyes glitter. He was grinning, looking at the faces around him like they’d just made all their dreams come true.

Maybe they had.

Harry walked over to Louis then and took his hand, squeezed it, and it wasn’t clammy anymore.

It was warm.

And so were his lips.

Harry was kissing his cheek. Pulling them together so their hips bumped.

“Now we just have the gala to make it through.”

And suddenly it was Louis that was feeling clammy. Suddenly that’s when it hit him like a tonne of bricks. He was nervous before, scared even. But not like this.

His breath caught in his throat.

Because in just a few hours he wouldn’t be telling their story through the internet, behind screens.

He’d be out there, on the Met Gala red carpet, being photographed. With Harry. With their hands allowed to touch, their cheeks free to be kissed. Their eyes allowed to meet.

And he’d be asked about it.

They’d spent so many years having questions blacklisted, being given fake stories to tell, and being reprimanded anytime they even looked at each other when they were in One Direction.

And then there had been the years since, after they went on hiatus, where they had to pretend each other didn’t exist. Had to pretend Louis was a dad, and Harry was too good for him.

Louis’ heart started beating too fast, felt the same way it did when he’d wake up in the middle of the night reaching for Harry and realising that he was off touring, on the other side of the world.

But Harry was here now, and his arm was around him, and Louis wasn’t expected to go through this on his own anymore.

So he took a deep breath and squeezed Harry’s hand, let his hands talk for him, _I’m scared but let’s do it_.

 

-

 

Putting on the outfits, the makeup and the hairspray, helped.

It gave Louis something to take shelter in.

Even though he was wearing a sheer shirt, and Harry was wearing lace. By all means, they could be seen. But Louis’ shirt was tinted green, and his collar had a rose on it, and his shoes had _love_ written on the side.

And this was going to be their moment to steal the show.

To show everyone who tried to stop them that they were on the wrong side of history, that Harry and Louis were never going to be stopped.

Because Louis had walked this life with his love for the past nine years, and he wasn’t about to stop. Love was written into his sole.

And his soul.

He was going to wear it like a shield.

So his hands shook a little less. Felt a little less clammy.

Harry looked gorgeous. He always did in these kinds of outfits, the ostentatious ones. Only he could pull them off.

Lace shirt, blue velvet coat with the gold threading, wide black pants. It all looked perfect, and so did Harry.

The little daggers threaded into his jacket didn’t hurt either.

 

-

 

As they drove to the Metropolitan Museum, they squeezed themselves into the furthest corner of the back seat so that their hips were squished together and their arms were tangled.

Because that’s how they always sat together.

“Are you ready?” Harry asked.

He was shaking again.

So was Louis.

By this point, they’d learned that it came in waves. Good one moment, shaky the next.

Louis nodded and took a breath, reminded himself that this wave would pass too. That it was just the dark of the car that was letting dark thoughts come back in - like wind through the crack of a window. Blowing like those voices that breathed down his neck.

He reminded himself, too, that word already got out. Their story was already in the process of making its way around the world, and knowing their fans it was already on every continent.

It was just those first moments where they were going to be _seen_ for the first time they had to prepare for now, and it was on a red carpet - where every interviewer would be waiting to show the world how accepting they were. How surprised they were. How they really had _no idea_ , and they hadn’t been a part of the machine all those years.

Still, they weren’t the only ones in the car. And they weren’t the only ones fighting for this moment, for the truth to finally be out.

“Are _you_ ready?” Louis finally asked back, after he’d taken in all the faces around them, squeezed into every other inch of car. They were all giving their best encouraging smiles.

Harry took Louis’ hand and squeezed it.

Louis had lost count of how many times they’d squeezed hands now, surely enough that their fingerprints would be stamped into the back of each other’s hand. Surely enough for Harry to say that, yes, he was ready.

Louis couldn’t do this if he wasn’t.

“Yeah, I think so,” Harry said softly, just under his breath. He said it right up against Louis’ air, so his breath ran down his neck. Down his back. Down his spine so it blew away all the other voices telling Louis that he was nothing without playing by the old rules.

It felt like Harry knew that’s that where Louis’ demons resided, and he knew exactly how to get rid of them.

Harry’s demons lived at the back of his neck, right at his hairline. Right where Louis would put his hands in his hair and stroke them away.

Louis couldn’t remember when it was that he figured that out. Maybe six or seven years ago, when they tried to crack America and everything changed - everything got more serious, and more straight. It was definitely when things started to get to Harry, when he had to first learn the consequences of fame.

Nine years, though. Nine years was how long it had been since they’d started out on this journey, and all those high and lows were coming to an end.

When their car pulled up, it was going to be a finish line. And a start line. The beginning of something new.

Something that had taken so long that they now had people that should have been here to see it. Like his mum and his-

“Hey,” Harry said, whispering on his neck again, “Don’t think like that.”

“Like what?” Louis asked back, feigning innocence. As though Harry hadn’t learned all the ways Louis covered his thoughts.

Harry squeezed his hand again and rubbed his thumb over it, “Love.”

Their _love’s_ went both ways, and both had learned what that one little word meant, _you’re only going to hurt yourself_.

“Tonight’s going to go well, and everyone is proud of you,” Harry added.

That’s what they did when they were facing something scary. They’d both feel it, but always they’d take turns reassuring the other one. Because it’s fine when you’re the one hurting, but never them.

“Everyone,” Harry repeated.

And then he moved his hand to catch Louis’ chin, turn it before he turned away to think about who that _everyone_ should include.

Harry kissed Louis’ temple, slow and careful, and he then he whispered again, “They’re gonna be smiling down tonight, you know that.”

Louis nodded. They’d talked about this before, talked about what they should do if it gets too much. Had spent whole nights awake trying to figure out how to move forward after Louis had been struck by tragedy after tragedy.

Louis did what he said he would when he started thinking like this.

He squeezed Harry’s hand.

And felt thankful that he could do that now.

He’d waited nine years to do it.

And reminded himself that while it was a whole nine years, and so much had happened during them, they were only nine years. He was still in his twenties. There was so much life ahead of him. So much life filled with its own ups and downs, and problems that for once wouldn’t tie back to the fact that Louis was in love with a man.

He’d waited nine years to have the rest of his life play out the way he - they - wanted. Because he couldn’t forget that, there was another person in this equation.

There was Harry.

There was always Harry.

Since the beginning.

And till the end.

The end that they got to write themselves.

 

When the car pulled up to the curb, and they could hear the clatter of photographers and hosts and security, Louis took a breath and reminded himself that he’d made it this far. He could go a little further.

So when the door opened for them, Louis hopped out first. He took Harry by the hand and turned around to face all the flashes of those cameras.

The cameras that were finally on their side.

  
  
  
  
  
[Tumblr Post](https://forreveries.tumblr.com/post/184431885061/on-the-edge-of-the-next-nine-years-25k-by)


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